May 27, 2011

Of course…

Posted in Awkward moments, New York at 9:07 pm by biancas & bourbon

My AC unit fell out of my window…

No comment.

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May 24, 2011

Hi, my name is…

Posted in Awkward moments, Dating, New York at 4:03 am by biancas & bourbon

In regards to the New York social scene, there are few things harder than initiating conversation with strangers. So in regards to his comment on my rant about Mr. Thank-your-parents (Mr. Typ), Andrew is right. His one-of-a-kind pick up line deserves an A for effort. But Mr. Typ’s approach was creepy, and therefore ultimately unsuccessful.

Says who? Now, I am no Lady Astor, but I feel like I’ve been dating in New York long enough to rightfully assess whether or not a dude’s pick up line is gross. And I think answering the questions Andrew posed will effectively validate my judgment of Mr. Typ.

How many guys have approached/hit on you in your life?
Ouch, low blow. I thought we were friends! Okay fine, it was definitely slow for me at first. I was an overweight teenager who ended up at an all girls college (no, I didn’t make out with any chicks). When I moved to New York after graduation, I was hit on constantly. Of course, this was in large part due to the fact that I wore backless shirts and crotch-grazing skirts to clubs. So I did hear it all, even if I’m hearing a lot less now.

I know, what the fuck was I thinking. That outfit is now burned to a crisp, but I kept the shoes.

How many of them say, “Hi, my name is _______” (Like you care what his name is at this point).
Andrew is right. I don’t care what your name is. But hot damn, isn’t that introduction better than “Thank your parents”? And I indeed do remember the last dude who started off with “Hi, my name is….” He seemed nice, so I gave him my number before leaving the party. Later in the evening, he called and asked if I would spend the night at his apartment (by the way, no bodily fluids had been exchanged). When I POLITELY declined, he audibly wept. Okaaaaaaaay….

Of the men who started with this line, how many do you remember?
Touché. You don’t remember too many of those dudes (except the ones who cry). But you remember the ones you like and forget the ones you don’t. And wouldn’t you rather be forgotten than icky? You don’t need an original line. You need an engaging line. My best friend’s go-to approach is to ask the girl if she knows of any good bars in the neighborhood. God how boring, but it fucking works.

You remembered this guy enough to blog about him.
Being blogged about is no measure of success, unless you’re Charlie Sheen. Although, I shouldn’t be hatin’. I aspire to be WINNING all the time, even if it is in my own head.

I wonder if he survived the rapture.

If this guy was more attractive or more your type, you would have thought this line was awesome.
You are wrong. Thanking my parents for my genetic makeup is inappropriate on so many levels, and a guy my type would never lead with a line like that (unless you’re Colin Egglesfield). And if I thought he was attractive, “My name is _____” would have sufficed.

But why do I need to explain myself. The most effective way to measure the level of success of a pick up line is to find out how much the recipient wants to have sex with the deliverer.

Um, does anyone have a chastity belt?

May 17, 2011

Really, did you just say that?

Posted in Awkward moments, New York at 2:42 pm by biancas & bourbon

Yesterday night at a bar, I heard one of the worst pick up lines ever while trying to figure out what beers they had on tap.

48 year old dude* who looked like he could have fathered one of those kids from The Jersey Shore: Hey, are you looking for a drink? I’ll get you a drink.
Me: Eh, sure.
48 year old dude: Here you go sweetie.
Me: Eh, thanks.
48 year old dude: No, thank your parents.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

*The age was confirmed by the bartender who said he was a local. He could not help himself and retold this story to my friends later in the night. Even bartenders find me entertaining….

Opening it up to the forum. What is the worst pick up line you’ve heard, OR USED?

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