August 16, 2011
Once upon a time…
Per Beau’s comment on my $200,000-aire suitor, I would like to share the following failed fairy tale…
Once upon a time, there was a young peasant girl who lived in the shiny city of New York. She went on a date with a seemingly nice lad who took her to a beautiful restaurant and treated her like a princess.
On this lovely night out, the two shared their hopes and dreams and realized that they were very well matched in many ways. He lavished her with drinks, gourmet food and compliments. He even told her that she was the classiest girl he had ever met. She imagined walks in the rain with this man, the children they’d have, the trips to Paris…
There was a major hiccup when the young lad asked the peasant girl what she thought his kingdom was worth. Unable to comprehend the reason for such a question, the peasant girl laughed it off and made funny comments, and her suitor did not take this lightly.
Despite this moment, the couple continued to have a good time and they even closed the restaurant, talking and kissing and flirting. On their way out, the hostess handed the young girl a little bag that contained a loaf of Grand Marnier soaked pineapple bread. She said, “This is for breakfast” and then winked at the darling couple. The peasant girl blushed understanding the innuendo.
The lad leaned in to kiss the peasant girl good night. All of sudden, she remembered the courses of cheese, fois gras three ways, bottle of wine, glasses of prosecco and shots of grappa. She felt it all coming up and pushed the lad away. She swiftly said good night and threw herself at the first taxi she saw coming down the street.
While in the cab, she could not hold it down much longer. She looked around and realized she still had the bag with the pineapple bread. She tossed the loaf across the seat and hurled right into the bag–a puke that rang through Central Park all the way to the East River. The cab driver tried to throw her out, but she started crying and pleaded with him to let her stay.
When he finally reached her cross streets, she tipped him $20, stepped out of the cab, threw the bag of barf away and entered her apartment.
After the best toothbrushing of her life, she poured herself into bed wondering when she would meet her real prince charming…and if her boss would notice her hang over the next day. (He did notice and made fun of her.)